RSSSTRENGTH FROM TRAGEDY
January 21, 2008
Most of us experience a horrifying misfortune or heartbreak at some time. Divorce, death, illness, or bankruptcy are life-changing events. Is there a way of dealing with them with a view to coming out stronger on the other side?
Two years ago, our family farm suffered a major setback. This was due to a string of unfortunate circumstances beyond our control. It was a tough time, and a deeply frightening time. We’re not fully past it yet but the most dire and terrifying moments are hopefully behind us.
Coast, don’t pedal
How do you survive in that period before you’re anywhere near ready to get up again? The only plan you can make is to ride it out. Accept that you will feel out of control a lot of the time. Suspend the need to move forward.
For awhile, as long as you need to, just do what you have to do to get through the days. Take it easy on yourself. Try to look at what you still have.
Forgive yourself every mistake because you did the one thing that others didn’t – you gave it a shot. Despite this defeat, it is that enormous success that defines you, not the outcome of it.
Make sure you have a lot of blank time, because you’ll need time to think. We miss this in our hamsters-on-wheels lives. Thinking takes a lot of time and it’s important. This is when you connect to that part of you that’s more than a cook-clean-wash robot, your deeper self, if you like.
The devil you know
At times, we seem to be stuck in a business or personal relationship that is contaminating every aspect of our life, taking a physical and emotional toll. It may have so corrupted our ability to make decisions about what is good for us that we can’t muster the strength to walk away. At least it’s familiar, and there is a security in that.
Life is removing you from a situation that was causing you to be weakened but that you couldn’t terminate on your own. If it is ended forcibly, it may be devastating and difficult to overcome, but it will become the event that reshaped the rest of your life. I hope that one day, I can look back on what happened to our family, and see that this was the case for us.
Change is almost always for the best. Having change forced on you is still change.
Playing to win means expecting to lose (some of the time)
You may have taken a few steps backwards but you made it here once and you can do it again, only quicker. If you’re going to play any game, and play to win, the deal is never to only move forward. You will occasionally have to take a few steps back.
What doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger. It also changes the landscape of your journey for the better. It brings you to places you could not have found if the misfortune had not taken place.
Finding strength in self-knowledge
Eventually, you come up against the question of whether you really still want the thing you lost. You are not the same person anymore and you understand yourself better than you did before. If you still want the same thing, you probably don’t want it in exactly the same way and you won’t go after it in the same way ever again.
You might find out how easy it is to replace those things you thought were so precious. You might find out that you wouldn’t take them back even if they were handed to you. You’ve moved on. You don’t need them any more.
Discover the next facet of your existence
A future that you haven’t dreamed of is out there, waiting for you. This is how I believe you should think about it : Perhaps you had to go through this terrible time in order to develop the skills and strength which will be needed in the next phase of your life. Believing that makes me feel as though the experience has empowered me, rather than weakened me.
Instead of carrying on down the same path, safe but well-known, you’ve been subjected to a giant shift. Your entire outlook has been radically altered and a thousand new paths have just been revealed.
Appreciate the value of choice
You have been given choices, powerful and important. Choice is a fantastic thing to have. I think many people are very trapped, living a life that they feel offers them no choices. Having choice forced on you is an opportunity, if only you can see it that way.
Garth Brooks sang that “God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”. For the big stuff and the small stuff too, in almost every situation, I have found this to be the truth.
NOTE : This article was written in two parts. The companion article is entitled Never Be Afraid To Fail. It will be published by Henrik Edberg on his blog, www.positivityblog.com on January 24/08.
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